“A Momentous Occasion” – Or, when Gloria ordered coffee for the first time, and the madness that ensued

There are some seemingly insignificant moments and events in our lives that we can laugh about later. Here’s a lighthearted snapshot of mine – not meant to be taken seriously, of course. Written for fun and meant to be relived for fun.


Cafes are nice cozy places where people sit down and use wifi and enjoy a beverage or two. Gloria loves cafes, but hates coffee.

She discovered this to her own chagrin the other day when she attempted a nap during senior priv. Since that wasn’t working, Gloria tried the opposite – waking up. Having never ordered a cup of coffee in her seventeen-year-long life, she pointed to what seemed to be the most logical item on the menu, an espresso (Gloria didn’t know the difference between an espresso, americano, latte, or cappuccino at the time of narration. She thought that an espresso was just plain, ordinary coffee. She still doesn’t know what it is, really). Despite the novelty of the situation, Gloria was surprised, then disappointed that there was so little in the cup, and proceeded to add some milk, because it was half empty, and also because she knew from observation that that’s what people do to their coffee.

Now, in pristine, filtered, light-adjusted photos on the web, coffee looks about as appetizing as hot chocolate, and the cup in front of her looked innocent enough. Taking a tentative sip, she blanched at the concentrated flavor. Gloria doesn’t have very sensitive taste buds, but at that point she could completely understood her dad when he told her this drink was an acquired taste.

Fast forward forty minutes, Gloria was nearly at the bottom of the cup, and was wondering why the caffeine hadn’t hit her yet. She was wondering if it ever would, before realizing that the effect wasn’t exactly what she was looking for. She had hoped that her head would clear, but instead she was marginally becoming more tired as the caffeine began to exert its potency. Gloria came up with a few hypotheses. She was aware that her heart was beating faster – and this was expending resources instead of driving away sleepiness, the intended result. Her second guess was dehydration. The drink was making her thirsty, and she was still feeling quite wilted two hasty mugs of nice clear water later.

For the rest of the afternoon Gloria was exceedingly grouchy. She wished she had gone for the nap instead, because the evil quandary of a post-coffee stupor is simultaneously feeling torturously hungover (not that she’s ever imbibed, of course), tired, and needless to say, unable to sleep. Somehow she grumped her way back home, gulped some more water, and lay down until dinnertime. By then, the caffeine effect had worn off and Gloria had taken a good nap, notwithstanding the fact that she woke up a bit groggy and bewildered at the time of day. She’s decided that she would never willingly repeat that whole ordeal again.

>>In short, if anyone wants a Delimarche card with a single stamp on it, let me know.


4 thoughts on ““A Momentous Occasion” – Or, when Gloria ordered coffee for the first time, and the madness that ensued

  1. Shiloh says:

    LOL! I just saw this article but it cracked me up! Almost the exact same thing happened to me the first time I ordered coffee in a failed attempt to wake up before class… 😀


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