This will soon be my nineteenth post on ♫SUNREQUIEM, and my blog is not even a week old. Here are my thoughts.
Every time I hit that publish button, not only do I subject my private thoughts and creations to the public, I get a thrill as these questions run through my mind:
Do I seem too desperate? Am I letting the cat out of the bag too soon? Will I run out of ideas if I don’t hold back my flow of typing? Do I care how my articles perform? How many views I can get? What do I hope my readers can get out of my writing?
“You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” Maya Angelou
Sure, I published a few things I had written in the past to start off my blog on the first day, but once I had to begin writing brand new material, I felt my creative juices begin to flow. I began searching through my day for blog ideas and tried to identify what I was interested in for my next piece. Sometimes I wondered, if I wrote about something on one day, I’m not going to have anything saved up for later. I wondered if I might exhaust my supply of ideas, as if it were a finite source. But it isn’t. If you’re saving up for something, what is it for? Expend it now. I want to die using every bit of talent that God has given me. I want to live so that I would not regret dying today. Just like how improvisation is the spontaneous composition of music, or the spontaneous reaction to stimulation, I’m learning through my blogging that ideas are infinite, as is the Source of all of them.
Also, I reflected over what I was hoping that my readers and potential readers would get out of my blog. I didn’t want it to be a website of self-indulgent confessions and mushy-gushy thoughts, as idealist as I am. I wanted my own musings to provoke thought in others too, and cause them to realize something about themselves, or about mankind as a whole. I wanted to use my experiences as vehicles to inspire, and I still genuinely want that. I hope that through my writings, others can leave my website feeling more enriched, enlightened, or perhaps even more hopeful.
Although I recognize that not all people may agree with my views and outlooks on life, writing is a constant battle between my ego and the message I want to convey. Sometimes it takes showing my own experiences to express what I have learned, but I do not mean to do that in a way that offends or belittles anyone. I also write not to impress, but to influence. I (want to) want to not care if someone reads something they hate on my site, if only they give these ideas a few moments of meditation. I also (want to) want to not care about the number of readers, if only I can affect the life of someone else, in a way, no matter how small.
Finally, does it seem too desperate to publish once a day, and more often than not, more often than that? Desperate for what, attention? Recognition? I haven’t gotten much of that so far, but I began ♫SUNREQUIEM to express myself and share it with the people who are willing. The bigger idea here is sharing. How selfish it is to sit down and read a library and not breathe a word of what one learns to a soul. What use is it to bury a hoard of gold in a place where nobody can see? Besides, it’s cool to be passionate about something, in my opinion. Senioritis, apathy, who cares about all that when you’re gone? In the words of Jack Kerouac:
“[…]the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”
Live fabulously, everyone. Even if only one soul ends up reading this post, I hope you find it in yourself to live the life you deserve.
Thank you! ~Gloria