CW: ED symptoms Photo by Davide Foti Happy Daylight Savings, friends. This weekend was the first snow where I live. It’s a strange mood, and a tentative beginning to the season. I too, am undergoing change, having officially been discharged from partial hospitalization, ready to begin a period of intensive outpatient program. I'm thankful to … Continue reading Tentative Beginnings
Of course, when seasons of challenges are not so clearly demarcated, we still strive to make sense of potential patterns. Yet when I look back, this time of year is usually when I became overwhelmed by the seemingly impossible. ED is a bit different though. It's a mountain I love marking off as "finished," only you never step in the same river twice.
Having finished my undergraduate degree, I’ve been reflecting on what it means to sit with uncertainty. Perhaps the following words will fill a chapter of a memoir I will write someday. [CW: anxiety, panic, depression, ED, queerphobia] Photo by Greg Rakozy Believe me, I know what it’s like to be overwhelmed by a lack of understanding. … Continue reading Beyond Multivariable: An Abridged Memoir
Lately, for the first time, I've been having thoughts of scrapping my blog. Out of nearly four years worth of writing, do I really believe I have produced anything worthwhile?
Photo by Mae Mu My silence on this platform has been intentional. Maybe the day to share my grief will come sooner than I think. But I do not believe it is today. Abba, Your Spirit groans wordlessly within me. There You go, lifting my load again. You display Your glory within me. Let me … Continue reading An Interlude
Photo by Christopher Burns You wouldn't ask a toddler to run a marathon. You wouldn't make her sprint 100m, even if it's a comparatively short distance for someone older, either. There's a reason why physical development happens in stages. Just because she knows how to move forward with some baby steps, doesn't mean she's ready to … Continue reading Reconstruction
Lately, I've gathered so much tension in my head, I figured out how to wiggle my ears. (By activating a muscle I didn't know was in my control.) Part of it is a "what if" question. One which seems so big, I can only look to God for answers, help, and hope. Part of it … Continue reading Foundations
[inhales] I remain, having completed another circuit around the sun. But what does it mean to enter another decade, this time around? And specifically, what does it mean to be myself -- a young woman, of Chinese descent, living in America, in 2018 -- and to exist in that context? I remember how I felt … Continue reading Turning Twenty
A guest post by Sun Requiem.
A Note For My 8 Year Old Self
Oh, Gloria. You often wonder who you will be in a dozen years. (A lifetime and a half away.) Well, it’s me, and our twentieth birthday is just around the corner. You may not believe it, but I can, because I have watched the girl before me fight for each year in the life ahead of her.
I want you to know some things before you start growing up.
Although you may come last in every race you run and swim, you are far stronger than the world will ever let you know. Even though you shake and stutter when you speak, you are brave for even trying. That’s because ability doesn’t always reveal strength and courage: they are characteristics of your heart, just like curiosity and kindness. Likewise…
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so, this must be hunger because after a length of time it became a giddy default after the pain of a clenching stomach migrated to a light-headed mind to mistake emptiness and famine for light and nirvana when it was really just flesh eating flesh. so, this must be hunger because naming a thing gave … Continue reading Poem: So This Is Hunger