[inhales] I remain, having completed another circuit around the sun. But what does it mean to enter another decade, this time around? And specifically, what does it mean to be myself -- a young woman, of Chinese descent, living in America, in 2018 -- and to exist in that context? I remember how I felt … Continue reading Turning Twenty
"As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." Proverbs 27:17 NKJV In a few posts back (Stepping Out of the Sun), I wrote about how being socially isolated in high school allowed me to focus on growing as an individual. I did what I could, with what I had, where … Continue reading As Iron Sharpens Iron
I've written about depression, about suicidality, about self-harm, about generalized anxiety, about panic disorders, about eating disorders, about insomnia, and about OCD, among other tidbits of my life. It can be a lot. Each one of these topics is a rabbit hole that even I don't know how to navigate, if I get down too … Continue reading Stepping Out of the Sun
God broke through Monday night. This wasn't a dream. The reality was, that God met us in Ja's room that night. 'Code' names: Mc, Ja, Se, So, Mu Previously, I was in recovery for an eating disorder. Less than a week ago, I was under attack again. Starve! it commanded me, and the urge became … Continue reading Fresh.
Beauty Beyond Bones recently wrote about the grief that comes with recovery. The mourning of a lost youth, of times and memories never to be had. Life lost to the void of not living fully. And I think I understand. I'm saddened, and on occasion, angry, at all the hours I've racked up doing things … Continue reading In Search of Lost Time
In 2017, I ditched the resolutions, which was a wise move. Here I quote myself, from less than a year ago: "I'm going to allow myself to make mistakes. Instead of being so pressured and focused on making a perfect year, because there's no such thing, I'm going to make 'next year's words await another … Continue reading Live, Live: Small Reasons to Survive in 2018
I'm faint, tired, shaking, and hungry without an appetite. My tongue is white from Candida overgrowth and my fingers tremble involuntarily. I haven't felt this frail and fragile in a while. I can't get any lower Still I feel I'm sinking A few weeks ago, I had a period where I felt nearly normal. I … Continue reading Outshined, Again
Five days ago, Chris Cornell was posthumously awarded the inaugural 'The Promise' award by the Los Angeles Committee of Human Rights Watch. The Promise award recognizes "an outstanding song, television show, or film that advances the values of equity and justice in an original and powerful way." Chris Cornell was recognized for his song, "The … Continue reading The Promise Inaugural Award Goes to Chris Cornell
I knew these things to be true. That God would never give me more than I could bear. That I am being put through (hell)fire so that I can emerge a sharper tool for His marvelous purposes. That Satan has no power or stake over my body, my words, or our relationship. That God understands me more so than myself, from even before my physical body was formed. And that praising Him for a thousand years would never do justice to His worthiness.
September 24 A productive week finished, I left our college worship night with an earful of cliches concerning the Christian dilemma of being both needing to be disciplined by God while also being unconditionally loved by Him as His adopted child. I lay on my bed, teeth brushed and naked, and found no inclination to … Continue reading I know, it’s been comin’.