Reposted on Mental Health First Aid USA: “Live, Live: Small Reasons to Survive in 2018”

Hey everyone! I'm really excited to say that my latest post has been featured on the blog of The National Council for Behavioral Health, link below! Guest Commentary – Live, Live: Small Reasons to Survive in 2018 I hope you have things to look forward to in the upcoming year. Please reach out for help … Continue reading Reposted on Mental Health First Aid USA: “Live, Live: Small Reasons to Survive in 2018”

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Live, Live: Small Reasons to Survive in 2018

In 2017, I ditched the resolutions, which was a wise move. Here I quote myself, from less than a year ago: "I'm going to allow myself to make mistakes. Instead of being so pressured and focused on making a perfect year, because there's no such thing, I'm going to make 'next year's words await another … Continue reading Live, Live: Small Reasons to Survive in 2018

Joy To This Weary World – (Christmas Post)

Merry Christmas. Still jet lagged, I woke up before the rest of the house, and had a few hours of opportunity to eat all the snacks I wanted and cry without anyone being there to see. Girl, you gained some weight this week. Last weekend, I was dismayed by how weak I felt in the … Continue reading Joy To This Weary World – (Christmas Post)

Hunger Strike

December 13 Relapse feels so easy it's almost like an old friend. It's scary to think that I buried those seeds so long ago, but they've been growing in the dark all this time. It's scary that even when I returned to a weight that was healthy for me, and carried on with desserts and … Continue reading Hunger Strike

Burning Clean, Emptier and Cry

It's dawned upon me that anorexia may be something I've never truly recovered from. Heck, I was never treated. Sometimes I question whether my illness was ever real, if no one noticed it at its worst. This past week, I can only recount two solid meals and two bowls of miso soup in my diet. … Continue reading Burning Clean, Emptier and Cry

Outshined, Again

I'm faint, tired, shaking, and hungry without an appetite. My tongue is white from Candida overgrowth and my fingers tremble involuntarily. I haven't felt this frail and fragile in a while. I can't get any lower Still I feel I'm sinking A few weeks ago, I had a period where I felt nearly normal. I … Continue reading Outshined, Again

Put a bit of fixin’ on it!

Where to even start? The last time I wrote, I wasn't able to silence the thoughts that were telling me to die. I have never wanted that for myself. I have a "rage against the dying of the light" mentality that drives me to seek and create value till my dying breath, which keeps me … Continue reading Put a bit of fixin’ on it!

Have A Day.

October 16 I'm almost entirely right brained now, and I'm losing my capacity for language. Like in the split brain studies. Objectively speaking, I'm also at a higher risk of becoming suicidal than ever. Today, two professors called me "Grace" by accident. That doesn't seem like an accident. It's almost universal that I'm mistaken for … Continue reading Have A Day.

Sleepless eyes, close the light.

I knew these things to be true. That God would never give me more than I could bear. That I am being put through (hell)fire so that I can emerge a sharper tool for His marvelous purposes. That Satan has no power or stake over my body, my words, or our relationship. That God understands me more so than myself, from even before my physical body was formed. And that praising Him for a thousand years would never do justice to His worthiness.

I know, it’s been comin’.

September 24 A productive week finished, I left our college worship night with an earful of cliches concerning the Christian dilemma of being both needing to be disciplined by God while also being unconditionally loved by Him as His adopted child. I lay on my bed, teeth brushed and naked, and found no inclination to … Continue reading I know, it’s been comin’.