I've been spending a lot of my free time excavating my past. We teach our children that certain things are not allowed in society, because of laws and consequences. In my childish mind, I divided people into simple categories, like civilian, police, angel, and villain, and I thought that everything in the world worked out … Continue reading Prison Break
In the Christmas of 2007, I got a small copy of the bible to call my own. My adult hand is barely bigger than it. One might even call it "pocket sized." And it's seen me through a lot. But when I'm bent over it, straining to make out its tiny text, sometimes I forget … Continue reading Deeper: Colors of Satisfaction
What have I made myself out to be? During my commute this weekend, it hit me. I'm not satisfied. I have never been truly satisfied. Because I have an extremely broken sense of self. My earliest memories consist of falling when I expected a pair of arms to catch me, and hiding myself under a blanket. … Continue reading Deeper: Excavating Brokenness
The first thing I remember about Kindergarten is roll call. Especially during the first few days of school. Every morning, the bus driver would pick me up on my block on Applewood Lane, where all I had to do was stand at the end of my own driveway, and wait for the big yellow bus … Continue reading Deeper: Desiring Freedom
I've written about depression, about suicidality, about self-harm, about generalized anxiety, about panic disorders, about eating disorders, about insomnia, and about OCD, among other tidbits of my life. It can be a lot. Each one of these topics is a rabbit hole that even I don't know how to navigate, if I get down too … Continue reading Stepping Out of the Sun
I remind myself that progress isn't linear, but it's hard to believe I'm winning the war when I keep switching sides, so that every battle seems partly lost no matter what. While I haven't fainted in public yet, I've spent much of these past few days half conscious, weak-limbed, and dizzy, either in bed, or … Continue reading Cease Fire!
Where to even start? The last time I wrote, I wasn't able to silence the thoughts that were telling me to die. I have never wanted that for myself. I have a "rage against the dying of the light" mentality that drives me to seek and create value till my dying breath, which keeps me … Continue reading Put a bit of fixin’ on it!
Known for his ability to recreate Russian life succinctly through representative anecdotes, Anton Chekhov creates female protagonists who uphold morals and expose flaws of Russian society through silent suffering and endurance. Due to their honesty and innocent malleability, these females are wronged and exploited as marginalized members of society. Olenka, Anyuta, and Vanda, from “The … Continue reading Passive female figures in Chekhov’s “The Darling”, “Anyuta”, and “A Gentleman Friend”
“A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.”