Lately, I've gathered so much tension in my head, I figured out how to wiggle my ears. (By activating a muscle I didn't know was in my control.) Part of it is a "what if" question. One which seems so big, I can only look to God for answers, help, and hope. Part of it … Continue reading Foundations
God broke through Monday night. This wasn't a dream. The reality was, that God met us in Ja's room that night. 'Code' names: Mc, Ja, Se, So, Mu Previously, I was in recovery for an eating disorder. Less than a week ago, I was under attack again. Starve! it commanded me, and the urge became … Continue reading Fresh.
I remind myself that progress isn't linear, but it's hard to believe I'm winning the war when I keep switching sides, so that every battle seems partly lost no matter what. While I haven't fainted in public yet, I've spent much of these past few days half conscious, weak-limbed, and dizzy, either in bed, or … Continue reading Cease Fire!
Recovery is tough. Some days I feel so large, I think I fill up the entire room when I step into one. I see my cheeks jiggle, and my neck grow round. My breasts fill my hands again, and my stomach collapses into soft folds that sometimes hide my belly button. My hip bones have … Continue reading The Grace of Surrender: Recovering from ED
Let's Get Real. What I am about to write has been, and continues to be, a source of pain and struggle in my life. However, it is my struggle: one in which I take ownership and self-agency. It's National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (#NEDAwareness). I am joining in the conversation by sharing my story. My name … Continue reading Let’s Get Real. #NEDAwareness
Beauty Beyond Bones recently wrote about the grief that comes with recovery. The mourning of a lost youth, of times and memories never to be had. Life lost to the void of not living fully. And I think I understand. I'm saddened, and on occasion, angry, at all the hours I've racked up doing things … Continue reading In Search of Lost Time
Everything seems wrong this week. My mom is in the hospital, I'm only registered for two classes, and Jet's adoption seems as out of reach as ever. My days have been chaotic and tearful, and despite my best attempts at remaining positive, I feel a bit like Job, sitting among the ashes. I need to … Continue reading Super Blue Blood Moon
Earlier this January, I was meant to go on a service trip to Nicaragua. I flew to Boston a few days early to get settled, rest a little, and pack. The day before departure, I learned that my flight was cancelled. Bummer, but no big deal. I knew about the blizzard that was about to … Continue reading Wintersession 2018: Float On Alright
Hey everyone! I'm really excited to say that my latest post has been featured on the blog of The National Council for Behavioral Health, link below! Guest Commentary – Live, Live: Small Reasons to Survive in 2018 I hope you have things to look forward to in the upcoming year. Please reach out for help … Continue reading Reposted on Mental Health First Aid USA: “Live, Live: Small Reasons to Survive in 2018”
In 2017, I ditched the resolutions, which was a wise move. Here I quote myself, from less than a year ago: "I'm going to allow myself to make mistakes. Instead of being so pressured and focused on making a perfect year, because there's no such thing, I'm going to make 'next year's words await another … Continue reading Live, Live: Small Reasons to Survive in 2018