Photo by Christopher Campbell Not long ago, I completed Design Discovery, an intensive architecture summer program at the Harvard Graduate School of Design. On the last day, after commencement, a friend took a video of me merrily destroying a bag full of massing models. It wasn't a cute little tote bag either -- I had … Continue reading Making Art: But Is It Waste?
CW: disordered eating, anorexia, relapse, recovery Photo by Mike Kenneally They say that relapse is part of recovery, but I thought my anorexia was a thing of the past. Overcome last year, for good. Until I realized, over the course of several days, that I had begun eating much less than normal. Skipping the first … Continue reading Our Daily Bread (#NEDAwareness)
Photo by Christopher Burns You wouldn't ask a toddler to run a marathon. You wouldn't make her sprint 100m, even if it's a comparatively short distance for someone older, either. There's a reason why physical development happens in stages. Just because she knows how to move forward with some baby steps, doesn't mean she's ready to … Continue reading Reconstruction
so, this must be hunger because after a length of time it became a giddy default after the pain of a clenching stomach migrated to a light-headed mind to mistake emptiness and famine for light and nirvana when it was really just flesh eating flesh. so, this must be hunger because naming a thing gave … Continue reading Poem: So This Is Hunger
I've been spending a lot of my free time excavating my past. We teach our children that certain things are not allowed in society, because of laws and consequences. In my childish mind, I divided people into simple categories, like civilian, police, angel, and villain, and I thought that everything in the world worked out … Continue reading Prison Break
June 1-2 It's just a number, right? 3 harmless digits and a decimal, which indicate the force that gravity exerts on my body. But I shouldn't have stepped onto that scale. Curiosity killed the cat, and no satisfaction can bring it back. After the chamber opens, Schrödinger's cat isn't coming back to life. While waiting … Continue reading Curiosity Killed Schrödinger’s Cat
It's a funny spot I find myself in right now. A period of transition between transitions. Spring semester has ended, but summer hasn't quite kicked into gear yet. I'm getting ready to study architecture, but I'm still declared as a biochemistry major on paper. I've got about three courses left on the pre-med track, but … Continue reading Disease, Dis-ease
I remind myself that progress isn't linear, but it's hard to believe I'm winning the war when I keep switching sides, so that every battle seems partly lost no matter what. While I haven't fainted in public yet, I've spent much of these past few days half conscious, weak-limbed, and dizzy, either in bed, or … Continue reading Cease Fire!
Recovery is tough. Some days I feel so large, I think I fill up the entire room when I step into one. I see my cheeks jiggle, and my neck grow round. My breasts fill my hands again, and my stomach collapses into soft folds that sometimes hide my belly button. My hip bones have … Continue reading The Grace of Surrender: Recovering from ED
Beauty Beyond Bones recently wrote about the grief that comes with recovery. The mourning of a lost youth, of times and memories never to be had. Life lost to the void of not living fully. And I think I understand. I'm saddened, and on occasion, angry, at all the hours I've racked up doing things … Continue reading In Search of Lost Time